Do you ever watch those shows where the neighbours just walk into the others home. They have dinners at each others houses, or the ones where there is a group of moms that always get together, have each others backs, and have somewhere they can have evening wine and talk about everything and anything. You know the shows, where the moms can message or call and the other ones are there in a heart beat?
You know what? I don’t think that exists.
The house that we bought when I was pregnant with my first child, was the house that I thought we would have kids, and those kids would grow up in, and they would have kids, and bring those kids back to. I had visions of other close friends that became family, and all our friends coming and going at anytime, and just a whole close knit group. The whole neighbourhood was full of new parents. We would talk to them, but things would always fizzle, and they would become distant, or stop responding to our messages, or even worse, stand us up. We just wanted to make lasting friendships.
And it never happened.
Then, we moved. This time, I told everyone that we will never move again. I am too much of a sentimental person. I want to create memories. We moved to a house that needed much love and care and attention. We had to make it work. I, once again had high hopes of having a community, and family of the friends that became family. I almost thought we had that. Kids were always playing together on the street, moms hanging out, dads in the garage. But then something happened. I’m not sure what it was, but the kids slowly stopped coming by, and I slowly stopped seeing those moms. I had a lot of self reflection thinking what was wrong with me? Why was it that I can never seem to find any mom friends? Am I putting my children at a disadvantage because they aren’t growing up with friends that they will know all their lives? Why can’t I have any friends? There got to a point that even if I was in a bind, I don’t think there was anyone that I could call on, and have that rom com movie or show where the whole gang of girlfriends show up.
To be honest, I still don’t have that group of friends that would show up. I know this because even while we all are living in a pandemic, I would ask for help, or say I am not doing well, and guess what? No one showed up.
It really got me depressed. But then I realized something. It is called movies and fictional for a reason. These groups and scenarios don’t really exist. Sure maybe to the odd few, but those really are the unicorns. They rarely exist. But being a mom, and living in a society that puts so much pressure on being a mom, and everything else that comes with that, us moms are lead to believe that on top of having it all, we all have that group of friends. It is something that has made so many of us feel inadequate because we don’t have that.
I was talking with another mama not so long ago, and she mentioned how she feels she doesn’t have any mom friends, and is always on the outs looking in. How she is the mom that is always forgotten about. And I related with that on so many levels.
Then It kind of hit me smack in the face. What if we are all thinking and feeling this way? What if we think other moms have it all when it comes to friendships, and we are the odd ones out? What if that isn’t true. What if most of us moms feel this way, but we have become so ashamed or embarrassed to admit this?
I bet we would all feel a lot less alone, if we could just talk about this. Maybe we could connect with others. Maybe we would see we are not so different than the other moms out there.
Maybe, just maybe we aren’t all so different after all.
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